Day 2: Cuzco, Peru

even when i saw it from the plane i knew it looked like nothing i´d ever seen before. it was from another planet. not unusual, not strange, not a bit peculiar, i mean it was sci-fi, ridiculous, fantasy land. endless shades of green, winding roads, sheer drops, valleys, i don´t know why i´m listing those becauuse new words need to be invented to describe Cuzco. it is Foxobble, which means it has very narrow streets with hidden shops and secrets. it is Flappytastico, which means their mountains are so towering i theorise the locals can actually fly, since i don´t know how they get around. those illamas and alpacas are pretty much lazy, furry labradors with expressions of petulance and perturbed suspicion.

my flying theory was explained by way of coco leaves. you chew them with a little bit of black-sticky stuff and then feel like a kenyan marathoner. i hear the locals chew them 18 hours a day, between industrial wine and then dying 20 years younger than the national mortality rates. it appears Andeans, Indians, Aborigines and every other colonised indigenous group are brusquillos of sorts.

Cuzco unfortunately had more cathedrals as a part of their tour, luckily they had so much alien landscape. this time the guide caught on quick, and was very paternal, Latino versrion of President Bartlet way.
"what time we meeting tomorrow?"
"one...two...three...?"
"you are counting"
"one...thirty...five"
"you are guessing!"
"an illama!"
"stop looking at the illama, you have forgotten the timing and you are not listening! where is card i give you of my telephone number?"
"it´s, it´s here...*pats around feebly*"
"you list it! here another. put in underwear this time. no talking to the dress up people. no talking to vendors. no talking to illamas. where the oxygen tank that lady give?"
"i gave it back. por favor, i liik so silly, no one else has one"
"you will look silly flat on floor! ok fine. i give you alcohol. sniff. sniff harder!"
he quized me a bit more. i left him a generous tip.

i feel like i should justify what a pansy i was, snorting alcoholic fumes and turning off-yellow. if i were to stand on the tallest mountain of Australia, it would still be 1km underground in Cuzco. if i were Dutch, i´d be hallucinating.

for dinner i had guinea pig from a restaurant which donated profits to local orphanges. there were 2 backpacking hippies playing the guitar and photos of orphans everywhere. the meat was better than the music and less depressing than the orphans were were shoeless as Mt Druit teenagers. It was however not as good as everyone worked it up to be. later i saw a guinea pig farm (and wish i hadn´t, they were of course, cute), will add photos later. it was a clay castle with 3 levels, balconeys, towers, crossing bridges and they were happy as can be very HG Wells´ Time Machine. oh such a deceptive, free-range life they lead.

hotel was amazing, i think i saw elves. internet was great but i still have trouble finding the elusive apostrophe, hot water works if left on for 10 minutes, i know because i stood in cold water for 9 (i was optimistic) before using a hair dryer to warn myself up. not sure how i didn´t electrocute myself, will investigate properties of protons and electrons later.